Friends

As an introvert, I don’t make friends with everyone I meet.

It isn’t because they’re a bad person or unfriendly, but I am a little shy, and I don’t always go out of my way to make the first friendly move as I’d like to sometimes.

I also tend to read people quickly and make snap judgments about them, a tendency that causes me to miss out on making friends with some amazing people.

My personality is extremely loyal, and there is hardly anything that I wouldn’t do for one of my friends.

I feel the most comfortable around people when I am being useful, but if I have nothing to do, it feels as if I am being a burden and I hate that feeling.

Now that I’ve started college, I am trying to baby step out of my comfort zone, become a little more personable, and make some new friends.

I admire people who can just talk to a random person and develop that first awkward conversation into a friendship or relationship. I am always hesitant to begin a conversation and my conversational skills have never earned me any type of accolade, actually I have the reputation of being the quiet guy who sees everything and says next to nothing.

You would think that growing up with 5 brothers and 3 sisters would make you an outgoing person, but even as I watch some old videos where I am a small child, I can see that I’ve been this way pretty much my whole life.

Another friend-making problem I have is that I have a hard time expressing my feelings, mainly because I don’t want to.

Since we all know that knowledge is power, the less people really know about me, the less likely they are going to be able to hurt me. A really warped theory – I know. I can be a totally stoic Spartan on the outside while feeling like a baby inside, but you’ll never know.

There are only two people in the world who really know me, Michael and Cynthia, and they are not my parents or even related to me. Through my tumultuous teenage years they were my best friends, confidantes, and basically adopted me into their family. They know my fears, aspirations, scars, regrets, strengths, and weaknesses. The only reason I ever opened up to them was because they earned my trust and were able to point me in the right direction when my world sometimes spun into a free-fall. Unfortunately, due to my choice to leave my old church, communication with them has been restricted and I am unable to share my current life with them.

Now that I have become an adult, I must deal with my own problems, make my own choices, and live with the consequences; but friends are the people who lend the helping hand when problems strike, offer advice for life’s choices, and simply put the icing on the “cake” of life.

The person who goes through life without putting effort into making friends misses out on the entirety and enjoyment of life, and I do not want to be that person.

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