Someone I Miss

The little girl who made adopted me as her brother

With all the changes I’ve made in life, there is one person who will always hold a special place in my non-existent heart.

That special person would be my little “sister” Christina, and there is no one that can hold a candle to her awesomeness.

Her parents were my closest friends growing up and I often spent time in their home to escape the sometimes caustic home environment that surrounded me.

I often would read books to Christina, and she loved to climb onto the couch next to me so that she could turn the pages. If you’ve read my post about my nephew, then you know how I was initiated as her big brother and protector.

She was quite mature for her few years and she always had deep questions for just about anything.

Reading a book to her was no easy feat as we rarely finished a book. If there was a word she didn’t understand or a picture with some item that was foreign to her, she asked about it. Not one question, but multiple questions until it seemed that there was nothing let to ask. Only then, would she let me turn the page and continue the story-time.

She was so much fun to talk to.

Her humor was often dry and yet her childish laughter was so contagious. No matter what type of day I had experienced, Christina never failed to make me smile or laugh. It didn’t matter if she was wearing an impish grin as she recounted her little brother’s unsuccessful attempts at riding a tricycle or whether she seriously confided about how scary someone looked at the restaurant, she made life become alive.

I loved seeing the world through her eyes. She looked at everything so simplistically and unbiased, quite different from my wary approach to life.

And now I miss her terribly.

Since choosing a life without religion, I have only seen her rarely and briefly.

Her mom told me that when Christina heard that I had decided to leave the church, she was heartbroken and cried most of the night. The realization that I have caused unexplainable pain to a little child who loved me as her brother, haunts me. The only answer to mitigate her pain is the nonviable option of me returning to my former lifestyle.

At my sister’s wedding, Christina came up to me to shyly say hi.

Once we sort of broke the ice away, she asked me when I would be coming back. She explained in her childish vocabulary how sad she was with me leaving and how she hopes I will come back.

I could not lie to her and yet I didn’t want to tell her the truth either. All I could think to say was that she pray for me and maybe one day I might return. For some reason, she seemed content with that answer and yet she shadowed me as if to prevent my disappearing again.

So to say that she is someone I miss, is a huge understatement.

I don’t love very easy – but I do love Christina.

The picture I’ve attached to this post brings back so many fun memories.

I can never forget her and no matter what happens to me or her in life, she will always be my “little sister”.

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