I’m sure everyone has heard the phrase, “Time heals all wounds”. I have been thinking about that phrase lately and I wish that phrase was true.
I guess the reason I want Time to be able to heal all wounds is so that the people I’ve hurt in my life can be healed.
When I look back at my childhood and teenage years, I have a lot of regrets for how I interacted with other people, especially my family.
As a developing adult, I have worked really hard these past few years to live life with few regrets and to make sure I empathize with people and just show others that I care. My people skills still suck – no doubt about that; but I am trying to be kinder and more appreciative of the people around me.
As second oldest out of 9 children, thick skin was a must for survival.
Each one of us learned quickly that whimpering and whining earned you nothing but disdain from the other siblings. However that is no excuse because I know that I took the whole idea of thick skin way too far.
Although I knew that I could not stop life from hurting me, I naively thought that I could control my reaction to hurt and slowly eliminate my vulnerable areas. By doing this, I ended up trying to make my siblings as unemotional as me and instead hurt them and caused my parents grief.
So this blog post is my apology letter to my family.
Dad & Mom: I’m sorry I never trusted you or respected you as I should have. Yes, you may have made mistakes, but you always made sure to apologize when you thought something wasn’t handled right – apologies I always brushed off. I now realize that you did a lot for me. You really did love me and cared about what I did with my life, so I hope you don’t blame yourself for my current choices in life. You did more for me than you’ll realize and I’ll always appreciate having you as my parents.
Sisters: I’m sorry for teasing you constantly. I should have been a kinder brother to you and shown how grateful I am to have amazing sisters like you. I wish I was still around to be your protector and make sure life treats you well. I’ll never forget washing dishes with you when we would have our soap bubble fights or that time you taught me how to bake cookies. Thank you for all the times you vouched for me and kept me out of trouble when I deserved punishment – sisters like you are rare.
Brothers: I’m sorry for being more concerned with my own life than with helping you figure out life. I should have been kinder when you made mistakes that I had made myself. I should have paid you more when you worked so hard for me on my little side-jobs. Instead of critiquing your work and being a task-master, I should have shown you how to do better and encouraged you when you did things right. I suppose that I am most sorry for not being around now while you grow up. I won’t be around to teach you tricks on bikes, cars, cameras, or games. I won’t be around to give you your first driving lessons which you know would be awesome in my car. Shooting BB guns, slingshot wars, building the fort and tunnel in the backyard, and drawing on Paint, are all great memories that I have with you fellows and I wish I was around to build more memories. You fellows are awesome.
Life for me progresses with little interaction with my family and that probably is better for them.
If somehow though, all the pain I’ve caused could be healed then I would be completely happy.
Time does not heal wounds though, the very best Time can do is fog the memory of some of those wounds.
Unfortunately, I am unable to take back unkind words and actions from my past.
All that I can do, is move forward with life understanding the importance of treating people kindly and realizing that I had an amazing family.