Am I Old?

Sometimes I feel so old.

All the other 22 year-olds seem to be young, wild, and care-free – something that is actually a little appealing to me.

Considering my age, I am young. Life has just begun for me, and life is going really good for me. I am without complaints.

Well, I am almost without complaints.

But really, what I am writing here is not a complaint per say, it is more of a wish.

Something that I wish I had, but that I am more than capable of existing without. It’s like having 99 pennies, and if you would just get that last penny, you would have $1. In all reality though, that last 100th penny is not necessary.  

Translation: My life is filled with so many great components – my friends, my job, college, my family, and my past. When I think of life, I think long-term. I consider which friends I want in my life 10 years from now. Will I still work for the same company in the next 20 years? What position will I hold? Will I get my coveted engineering degree within the next 5 years? What about my family? Will I still be able to see them here and there?

To me, that last penny is to experience life fully.

As one example: I have some amazing friends in San Diego who are planning to rent a house out for the next school year and live together. I’d love to move down to San Diego and spend a year in a house full of college students. It would simply be epic. There would be so many great times that could be had.

Then I think about the wasted time in the long drive to work and back, switching to a different school halfway to being able to transfer, or just missing the solitude of living on my own.

I have a plan for my life.

I know where I want to go. I know where I am.

The major points of how to get from where I am to where I want to be are clear, but as we’ve all heard “the devil is in the details”. I tell myself that I pay attention to the details, and I try to ensure that the everyday choices all have to fit into the grand scheme of things and work logically for me.

Yet there is an idea that worries me: the idea that there is so much more to life that will fly past me as I pinpoint my focus on my career, my future, and earning my degree with no distractions.

What I fear is that I’ll miss out on the fun of life. I’m afraid that the crazy spontaneity that should be so second-nature to me will become elusive. Instead of random enjoyable activities peppered throughout the months, everything is pretty much centered on work and school. The places I want to visit, the things I want to do, the experiences I want to enjoy, are just sitting on the shelf.

For me, life cannot succeed unless my priorities are straight, and that can take some of the youthfulness out of living life.

By no means am I saying that my current life is boring or lackluster.

I love my life.

I love my job.

I absolutely enjoy spending time with my friends.

But I want to make my life more enjoyable than it already is by making sure I don’t stifle what little creativity I may possibly have.

I want to stop and smell the roses (not exactly literally) and make sure that these young years of mine are not just spent trying to make a great life for myself,  but also that I make sure to use my youth to appreciate all that life has to offer.

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