Pardon my current fixation on religious matters.

In my spare time between college classes, work, and just life, I am slowly attempting to resolve my actual thoughts and beliefs versus what I was taught my entire childhood.

When it comes to moral or religious topics, I like black and white.

I hate when people use slants on word definitions or explanations tweaking the rules to create grey areas where they dance.

So Hell has obviously entered my mental sphere and I have found that it is a rather interesting topic.

According to what I was taught, without a doubt, I will split Hell wide open when I die. Not only will I make that fiery lake of damnation my eternal destination, but I will also find myself in the lowest and hottest parts of Hell. Since I was raised to be a Christian and turned my back on that way of life, God will make sure that I am turned over to Satan for the destruction of my soul.

I hold no religious affiliation.

I do not attend church.

I do not read the Bible or religious materials.

I do not pray.

Even in moments where Death has brushed by me, I have not invoked God’s mercy. To do these things, with no interest in making a permanent change, would make me a hypocrite and I’d rather be a real sinner. According to Christianity, I know that my lifestyle is depraving and wrong; but I have chosen this downward way and accepted the fact that there are consequences for my actions.

To begin, I guess I must premise my thought process on whether I believe Hell exists or not.

Of course, I would like to think that all people who die don’t end up in the same place.

That personal preference of mine exists because I’d rather not spend infinite time with Adolf Hitler, Josef Mengele, or Ted Bundy. I prefer that really bad people be separated from the others. I totally do not buy the Purgatory/Indulgences idea, so I am going to allow Hell’s existence in this argument, since I have no proof it does not exist.

So now that Hell exists (in my mind at least), that creates some serious questions for people and probably for me too.

Why exactly am I going there?

Why am I okay with living a life that will lead me there?

Why doesn’t the idea of Hell frighten me?

Why don’t I care?

Before answering the first question, let me clarify that I am not an evil person.

From a moral perspective, my actions indicate that I am an upstanding and good person. I know I do things that are considered abominable by Christians. But for me, the simple fact that I have chosen to do what makes me happy and entirely leave God out of the equation of my life is a damning choice. I also have no interest in a relationship with my Creator or with living a life that would make Him happy – a very damning choice number 2.

The last three questions can be answered rather succinctly with 4 words.

I am happy now.

I really am happy right now and I am completely enjoying life.

I am doing as I please, when I please, how I please, and that is quite refreshing and rewarding.

I was a Christian. I know about all of that, and I ended up being bored with that life.

Hell is not frightening, because I have mentally processed that Hell is merely the painful consequence for a life that I am enjoying. Call it a grave mistake, but I don’t care because I keep emotions at bay when I think of Hell.

I don’t expect to ever become a Christian again.

The parable of the prodigal son will most likely never be my personal testimony. Does this mean that I am planning to spend my life enjoying the world and then eternity writhing in eternal torment?

The answer to the first part of that question is “absolutely”.

Even considering all my cold logic, I’m slightly hesitant to answer that last part of that question with a resounding “yes”. But based on how I think about hell, logic answers “yes” for me.

If Death takes me slowly, will I relent and run to God begging for last minute mercy and redemption?

I do not know.


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